


Where. Is. Peter Parker.

by nicole135



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Deadpool, BAMF Wade, Because there is never enough Deadpool going homicidal for Peter, Flashbacks, M/M, Peter is adorable, Protective Avengers, Protective Deadpool, Secret Relationship, Sick Peter, Wade being a ninja, Wade is a puppy for Peter, concerned steve, graphic description of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-17
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 01:10:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5228150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicole135/pseuds/nicole135
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So Peter is sick, deathly sick, and hasn't seen his (secret) boyfriend in forever. And now another guy has taken his place while he's out of commission. So what happens when Deadpool comes back from his mission to a fake Spider-man and a missing Peter?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so there seriously isn't enough BAMF Deadpool going after people for Peter. But anyway, with Peter's sickness, I actually have this and Peter's experiences come from what I myself have experienced -obviously my disease isn't because of a super villain but anyway-, so I tried to be as accurate as I can with the medical stuff. I hope you enjoy the read. This is my first fanfiction, so hopefully you'll hear more from me.  
> I don't own anything.

So Peter hasn't seen Wade in months (It's been nine months actually,) and with no word from him. Peter knows he can't die, but it's still an irrational fear, and one that's at the forefront of his mind especially over these last couple of months. 

You see, Peter hasn't been on patrol, hasn't fought any bad guys, or had contact with anyone for these last couple months. (Okay, that last one's a lie, he just hasn't been in contact with Wade. But he definitely hasn't done any of the first two.) 

See, Peter's very sick, and for some reason his healing isn't working, at all. He's been cooped up in the SHIELD hospital this whole time. 

About a week after Deadpool went on a mission, Peter wasn't feeling like himself. Yeah, he's had like the flu or the common cold for like a day or two max, but that was rare. The only time he's ever been really sick was when a villain came up with something to make him sick. 

He looked paler and he was tired a lot, even before going on patrol. It wasn't till he almost passed out while he was mid-swing when he was so dizzy on patrol that he went to SHIELD because Doc Connors might know something. 

He didn't think he looked that bad till Steve Rogers grabbed him by the waist in the hall and swung him up into his arms. 

"Woah kid!" 

Okay, he's like nineteen, is he really still a kid? And he was only a little dizzy. Was there really any need for theatrics? 

"You look like death Peter." 

Peter sighed, placing his arms around Steve’s neck. “I’m fine Steve.” 

“You don’t look it.” Steve placed a hand to Peter's throat while Peter held on weakly to Steve for support, before Cap’s eyes went wide. He took in Peter's fast heart rate, shortness of breath, and thought the kid was having a heart attack. He rushed him to in infirmary no matter what Peter said to him. 

Peter may have rolled his eyes as he was laid on a cot, but God, it was heaven to stop moving and just lay down. He was so tired. He thought it was ridiculous he had tears of relief prickle in his eyes. 

Even though the doctors and nurses fussed over him, the EKG looked fine, so no heart attack. It wasn't until they took some blood and ran a lot of tests before they figured it out. 

Peter was suffering from anemia, but that wasn't the serious thing. 

"What do you mean that's not the worst of it?" 

The doctor sighed, "Mr. Parker, you have Stage Five Kidney Disease." 

Peter, completely bewildered, asked, "What?" 

"It means your kidneys are operating at less that 6% in your case. The anemia is a side effect. But the thing is Mr. Parker, it takes months, years for this to happen. The point you are at right now. It shouldn't be possible. I mean, with your age, your abilities." The doctor shook his head. 

"So what do we do now?" 

So Peter was stuck at the SHIELD hospital, cooped up and not allowed to leave the Helicarrier. He's been on the damn thing for nine months, even Nick Fury gets a break from the thing. 

For the last couple months he's been on what they call Hemodialysis. He's been taking on water weight because he's not expelling fluid like he did (Thank God he's still peeing. The doctors say most people stop all together. It'd feel so damn weird to stop having to piss.) so they both clean his blood of waste and take off excess fluid. He has the dialysis three times a week, about four to five hours at a time, always on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. They have a chest catheter on the right side of his chest, so they have access to his blood. The amount of times they use to have to stick him to take his blood before the catheter was ridiculous. (Apparently being a hard stick is a common thing with people who have Kidney Disease) Now though, they can do it from the catheter, thank God. 

Going through that version of dialysis is a really weird feeling, and he once walked over a bunch of taco meat on a dare (The shit Wade gets him to do.). It’s like during it, his whole body like vibrates and his limbs keep up that feeling for hours afterwards. 

Also, the types of food he could eat was drastically cut. He can't eat things like tomatoes, potatoes, dark sodas, ice cream or chocolate because they are high in phosphorus. He can't eat hot dogs anymore, and that really crushed him. 

What sucks balls is that he's stuck on a SHIELD diet thing, so he has to eat what they give him. (God does he miss the processed crap he use to eat. Oh God, and salt. They took salt away.) 

The thing is, they can't fix it either. They are scanning his blood, body, kidneys. Anything and everything trying to figure out how to fix it. He could get a kidney transplant, but he's technically not human. He's Spider-man. They don't know if it'd even work. 

Speaking of Spider-man. He technically isn't even Spider-man anymore. 

They have some guy Peter doesn't even know who is like his twin bodywise, at least that's what Tony says (Peter won't believe it till he sees it.), and he's doing the whole gig for him. That hurts more than Peter's willing to admit, and he went through healing from a kidney biopsy like a human with normal healing, so that says some thing. 

So yeah, he's stuck all by his lonesome (even if the Avengers and others do visit) and he hasn't seen his secret boyfriend in nine months. And if there is one thing Peter knows for sure when it comes to Wade and/or Deadpool, nothing good is going to happen when he gets back into town. He’s knows Peter and he’s going to go to his apartment and see he hasn’t been there in months, or (Peter has a sick feeling this is going to happen) Wade's going to know there’s a fake Spider-man. 

(And Peter will admit to himself, it is tiring being right all the time.) 

*** 

Deadpool has officially arrived back in New York, the big Apple, the city that never sleeps, the place of endless amounts of alien invasions and villain attacks, the home of his baby boy! 

-PETEY!- 

(We are going to get so much ass! Mmmmm, beautiful, amazing, yummy Spidey ass.) 

He's so happy he keeps spinning his guns out of his holsters to try out all kinds of Wild West shit. He's totally got this shit in the bag. The advantage with him is if he shoots himself in the face, he'll be fine. 

-John Wayne bitches!- 

(Do you think Petey likes the Duke? We can sit around watching him being all manly together.) 

"I don't know guys, we'll have to ask him. Now what do you think of this? We go get Spidey from patrol, serenade him with hot dogs or mexican, and we go back to his place and have amazing welcome back sex." 

-Yes! Let's do it!- 

(Perfect date material. He'll love it, just like he loves us.) 

"I thought so too. Now we just have to find our little spider." 

Deadpool whips his head to the side watching as said spider lands on a building a few blocks away. 

"AH HA! Let's go!" 

Okay, so getting to Spider-man is just a nightmare and utter fail, but he does manage to get up on the building behind him. Both boxes are singing different songs of sneak-a-toode, [Mission Impossible and Batman, to each his own.] only for Deadpool to stop in his tracks from tiptoeing noticing something very wrong with the 'Spider-man' in front of him. 

Moving with the deadly force and stealth he's known for, [even the boxes stop singing, going quiet like they do only when Peter’s in danger] he grabs the 'Spider-man' by the back of his neck, slamming him into an air conditioner unit on top of the building, his gun pressed under his chin. Speaking in his rough voice, the one that is strictly Deadpool, he says, "Now, don't try anything stupid or I'll blow your brains out." The cocking of his gun [-not the fun one- (sad face)] under the guy's chin makes him know he means business. 

"D-D-Deadpool." 'Spider-man' stammers. 

"Listen here fuck face. You have three seconds to tell me where the real Spider-man is before I start blowing away kneecaps, or ripping your limbs off. I know that gorgeous booty anywhere and you," he places emphasis on the 'you' with a little extra pressure with his gun at the guy's throat, "don't have it." 

"I-I am Spider-" 

"One." 

"I am-" 

"Two." 

"Dead-" 

"Thre-" 

"SHIELD!" 

Deadpool stops from pulling the trigger of his gun at the guy's knees. 

Sweetly he asks, "What?" 

The guy coughs, "SHIELD. SHIELD knows. I-I don't know where-" 

In that same dripping sweet voice he cuts the guy off. "Wrong answer." 

He pulls the trigger blowing away the guy's right kneecap. He walks away from the guy screaming and writhing in agony. He could kill him but... blowing out his other knee cap could be just as satisfying. 

And it is. 

Now to go see Pirate-Patch. 

And going to see Pirate-Patch means he gets on the Helicarrier and sneaks around like a fucking ninja without anyone noticing [though that meant beating the shit out of like ten people before they sounded the alarm] till he finds Fury in the middle an Avengers meeting. 

He sees Captain Almost as Bootylicious as Peter, Tony with a Stick up his Butt Stark, Widow, Greeny, Goldilocks, Caw Caw Motherfucker, and that one babysitter agent. 

Yeah fuck that. Being sneaky is over. 

-Get him!- 

(Fuck the rest of them! Get Captain Crunch!) 

Deadpool drops down in front of Fury, surprising the fuck out of everyone, but before anyone, even the Black Widow, could react, he's got his gun cocked and pressed to Fury's forehead. "Anyone move and he's dead." He's speaking in that same dark voice from before. 

Everyone stops, while Fury looks at Deadpool, the only indication of his surprise is his slightly raised eyebrow from his one good eye. 

"Deadpool." He says calmly. 

"Fury, make one move and I'll blow you away." 

"Okay," he says just as calmly. "What has caused such...an unexpected visit?" 

Deadpool's white lenses of his mask stare at the director of SHIELD. "Where. Is. Peter Parker." 

Though Deadpool doesn't see it, most in the room wear surprised expressions while others school theirs. Fury remains ignorant, playing dumb. 

"Who?" 

Deadpool pressed the point of the gun closer to his skin, "Spider-man, don't act stupid. Where the fuck is he!" 

"I don't know what-" 

Deadpool aims his gun toward Fury's remaining eye, "Care to have two eye patches for your funeral?" 

Fury refuses to say anything. 

Deadpool is about to shoot him when Captain Bootylicious asks, "Why do you want to know where he is Wade?" 

"Wade's not home right now. And Deadpool says it's none of your business." 

Tony, still tense, rolls his eyes. "Maybe if you give us a reason, me might tell you where he is." 

Deadpool smirks under his mask, "Or I could just blow this whole ship up with all the bombs I've set everywhere." 

They can all see the detonator in his other hand. 

"You wouldn't!" 

"You couldn't!" 

"There's no way!" 

So many voices overlap but the words that reach him are, "You can't! He's here!" 

Deadpool grins, dropping the play detonator on the table, speaking in his high pitched voice, "Kidding!" 

Before disappearing. 

Several shots are fired after him, but he manages to disappear like the badass montherfucking ninja he is. Fury thinks he's so stupid! 

-Patches is so stupid.- 

(Let’s go find Petey! He might be in danger! Or locked up! Or DEAD!) 

SHUT UP! He’s not dead! 

-Our booty can’t be gone!- 

He follows the swarm of Avengers heading toward where he figures Peter is. 

They lead him right to his baby boy. 

*** 

Peter is dozing when he's startled awake with the Avengers running into his room Bruce included looking a little green around the gills. 

All six of them and Coulson look like they're ready for a fight. 

"W-what? What?" Peter asked dazed. He rubs the sleep from his eyes. "What's going on?" 

"There's an intruder." Steve says in his Captain America tone. 

"An intruder?" Peter sits up in his bed, sitting with his back against the bedframe. 

"How you doing kid?" Clint asks with his bow nocked as he and Natasha scan the room like you see in all those police shows when they clear a room. Cap and Tony (in all Iron Man armor) are facing the door with Thor, ready for attack. Bruce stands at Peter's side and Coulson's at the other. 

Peter looks at them like they've lost their minds. "If there's an intruder, why are you all in here?" He stops as realization dawns. "They're after me aren't they?" Horror and slight panic showing in his eyes and on the heart monitor next to him, "No one knows about my condition! How-" 

"We don't know," Coulson says looking less composed than usual. 

"Don't worry Peter," Bruce says. "We won't let anyone get to you." 

Clint continues with, "And when we figure out who leaked it, we'll skin them alive." 

Peter looks paler than usual, "Thanks for the Predator imagery Clint." 

"Anytime kid." He says deadpan. 

There's a tense few minutes, and Peter's trying to calm down. He can't protect himself right now. He's powers have been like nonexistent for months now. He feels so helpless, like he did before his powers when Flash was always beating the shit out of him. Like with Uncle Ben. 

He looks out of the corner of his eye to see some red and black. It's from a slightly moved tile in the ceiling. He sees Deadpool's mask looking at him. If he was a dog, his tail would be wagging. Damn it. He is wiggling his whole body in a silent happy dance. 

Realization dawns on his a second time. He slaps a hand to his face. 

"Is the intruder Deadpool?" 

Everyone turns to stare at him. 

"Yeah..." Clint says. 

Peter sighs, closing his eyes. He doesn't know if he wants to laugh or cry. "He won't hurt me." 

Everyone's looking at him like he's grown an extra head. 

"WHAT?" 

"Are you crazy?" 

"Peter what are you saying?" 

"You are sicker than I thought." 

"Young Man of Spiders!" 

"No seriously guys. You can leave. I'll be fine." 

They all start to protest. 

"No, seriously. Trust me. Go. I'll be fine." He waves with his hands for them to leave. 

They are still looking at him like he's crazy, but he just motions with his hands for them to shoo. 

They eventually conceed, though he knows they are probably watching the feed of his room. 

He rolls his eyes and sighs again. He's tired again. "Come on Wade." 

Wade drops from the ceiling. Even through the mask, Peter can see the horror and concern on his face. 

"Wade-" 

"Petey what. I mean. Baby boy. Why are you. Who-" He can't seem to be able to get out a sentence. 

Peter smiles softly at him, "Come here." 

Wade sits on the edge of the bed like Peter's going to shatter. Peter smiles some more, acting like normal. "Lift your mask a bit. Where's my hello kiss?" 

Wade obeys on autopilot. The boxes are spouting out theories that are making Wade's head spin. "Baby boy, what-what happened?" God, he's got tears in his eyes. 

Peter kisses him again, snuggling into the older man's shoulder. "You remember right before you left and you were on patrol with me? When I thought I got bitten by that mosquito?" 

Wade nods. "Yeah. It was the dead of winter. It was fucking freezing. No way it was a mosqueeto." 

Peter laughs softly at the word, "Yeah. Well, you were right. It was some sort of dart or injection or something. The SHIELD doctors think some quack doctor/supervillain was trying out some serum or something that would cause heroes to lose their certain abilities and die or something. It caused my kidneys to fail, at least that’s what my biopsy results said, and my healings gone. It's also like my powers are like blocked or something. I don't know. It's weird. They said I would have died within two months if I hadn't come to SHIELD. It works pretty damn fast." 

Wade's whole body is shaking with tension. "I'll kill him." Yep. Deadpool's talking again. 

Peter runs his hands up Wade's inner forearm leading up to his hand, making it relax so he can hold his hand. "Hey. None of that. We need him alive so they can figure out how to fix this." 

Deadpool stands up. "Then I'll find him and drag his ass back here. Kicking and screaming and make him fix you. Then I'll-" 

"Hey." He grabs Wade back to him. "Fury's working on it." 

Wade glares, "Fury is shit." And the boxes give their enthusiastic agreement to the statement. 

Peter actually laughs at that. "Speaking of Fury. How'd you get in here?" 

Wade looks innocently him, or as innocent as he can with the mask on. "I did nothing." 

Peter glares at him. "Why don't I believe this?" 

Wade leans over and kisses Peter one more time before pulling his mask down, "Don't worry baby boy. Deadpool is on the case!" He leans forward, whispering in Peter's ear, "And you'll just have to pay me back when you're better." 

Peter blushes to his hairline. "Wade!" 

But the mercenary is gone. 

*** 

When Deadpool enters the meeting room with Director Fury and the Avengers, the atmosphere hasn't changed, but the direction of the mercenary's murderous energy has. 

"Let's go get this son of a bitch."


	2. Chapter 2

Deadpool stands at the end of the conference table, arms crossed over his chest, muscles bulging with tension. He wants to get out of here, find this guy, come back, be the hero, and save Petey. 

-Yeah! Let's get a move on!- 

(Go go go!) 

He can hear all the Avengers whispering to each other, all having their own conversations. 

Cap to Iron Dick, "Are they really?" 

Iron Dick, "Really? Rogers, they-they" he gagged a bit, "They were cuddling! Which means only one thing!" 

Yeah, so much for him whispering. 

Widow and Robin Hood are talking, more like Robin's talking and Widow's nodding along. 

"Him and the kid? That's so-so- uhh! I can't even think!" 

Deadpool sees his eyes go wide. 

"Do you think they've had sex!?!" 

Iron Dick looks scandalized, "Don't bring that up! I don’t want to think about Peter having sex with anyone! He’s just a baby!" 

They all kind of glare at Deadpool, who is completely silent. He's too busy glaring at Fury. 

"What do we have on this SOB?" 

Coulson whispers to Fury, "I've never seen him like this, even with missions from us." 

Fury nods, but he's looking at Deadpool. 

"You'll be participating with this?" 

They can see Deadpool roll his eyes through his mask, "Obviously. Now get on with it Patches." 

Fury glares but continues with the meeting they were having before Deadpool interrupted the first time. 

"The one we believe is responsible is a guy named Michael Dardyn. He comes from a long line of scientist, but none have caused trouble according to our reports. We believe we have found his current location out on a facility out near the Canadian border. 

"I'm sending in a team of you, I want Rogers, Widow, Barton-" 

"And me." Deadpool finishes. 

Fury looks at him with interest, but doesn't say anything. 

"And what is with all this 'believe' shit? You don't know anything do you? Not really?" Deadpool accuses. 

It looks like Coulson or Rogers is going to say something, but Fury raises his hand. 

"Are you taking my information or not?" 

Deadpool rolls his eyes again, but concedes. "Fine. We're leaving, now." 

He heads toward the launch pad with the waiting Quinjet. He can hear the Avengers behind him splitting up, Thor leaving for his lady in the Southwest, Greeny and Iron Dick heading toward Petey again, probably to confront him about their relationship, Coulson does his thing with Fury, and the others follow him. 

-Let's go. I want blood.- 

(Yeah. We'll beat the ever living shit out of him. Make him pay for hurting our Spidey-baby!) 

We can't kill him though. He has to fix Petey first. But afterwards. Well. 

Not even God could protect him from us. 

*** 

Peter's sitting up flipping through the channels on the tv. Okay, that's a lie. He's busy watching that new Avengers show that doesn't include him because the world hates him. 

Stupid kid's show who think Spider-man is a bad influence. 

Stupid JJ. 

He is not pouting at the screen (He so is!) when Bruce and Tony walk in. 

Peter can feel the impending doom, especially with the look on Tony's face. 

Peter glares at him, "Tony. Don't give me that look." 

Tony's judgmental glare deepens. 

Peter matches him. "I didn't judge you with the alien with the tentacles you had sex with." 

Tony blushes, "Hey! That doesn't count! That was a once in a lifetime opportunity. And besides, this is Deadpool! Like! I thought you hated him!" 

Peter shrugs, blushing as he stares at the floor. "I don't. He." Peter sighs with a fond look on his face as he looks at Tony. "He grew on me. You don't know him like I do." 

Tony rolls his eyes, hands on his hips, trying to have authority behind him. "Peter, I know him well enough." 

Peter shakes his head looking at Bruce, who's sitting in the chair at his bed side. "Bruce, you understand right? You can't judge him too?" He looks at him earnestly. 

Bruce looks away, cleaning his glasses, trying not to look at Peter. "He's a loose cannon. He's a mercenary. He'll kill for the highest price." Of course Bruce sticks with the facts. 

Tony points at Peter from the foot of his bed, "And that includes you! He'll kill you for the highest bidder! You-" 

Peter shouts back, "No he won't! He'd never hurt me! I told you guys that! If that was the case I'd be dead already." 

Tony looks shocked, "What?" 

Peter sighs, leaning back against his pillows, "Okay, so that's reason we even met." 

[Flash back] 

Peter's seventeen. He's been Spider-man for almost two years now. Two years since Uncle Ben, of Aunt May's always being worried, of Gwen being gone, now MJ's been hurt far too many times, and Harry's evil. All of this is because of him. 

The Avengers won't take him in no matter what he does. If he helps they give him a pat on the shoulder in thanks. But really, it's probably because of his reputation that they don't want him. 

Stupid JJ. 

It's really lonely. 

And he is not just brooding looking over the city and just being all around depressed! (He so is.) 

Of course that's when the weirdest thing in his life happens, though maybe it isn't really that weird. (Those aliens from the last invasion were really freaking weird...) 

Peter hears some really cheesy spy music being hummed and out of the corner of his eye he sees a guy. It's got to be a guy with that body. (Though She-Hulk does have some muscles on her...) 

Anyway, there's this person behind him tiptoeing up. He's got his arms close up to him looking like a rabbit or something and he's in some black and red bodysuit. The only differences between him and Spider-man are the muscles, the foot height in difference, and the weapons. Holy shit, does he got some weapons. 

He sees at least two guns and some swords on his back. 

This can't be good, but the thing is, Peter's spidey sense doesn't go off, so evidently the guy doesn't mean any harm. Though the weapons aren't really sending a positive message. 

"Who-" Peter coughs once, deepening his voice a bit. He can't have people know how young he is, "Who are you?" 

The guy stops, freezing in his weird bunny motion. He whispers to himself, "Shit. He caught us. Quick think of something." He nods to himself, "Okay." 

The guy straightens up, flipping nonexistent hair over his shoulder, "Yo baby boy." He moves so fast, he's suddenly got his arm around Peter's shoulders, whispering in his ear, "And there's no point in playing the older man Sweetcheeks," he gropes Peter's butt. 

Peter jumps, kicking the guy in the sternum. 

The guy goes flying into the brick wall a few feet away. 

The force should be enough to knock the guy out, but he just stands back up, dusting himself off. 

Peter can see the pout on his face through the mask, "That wasn't nice Petey." 

Peter's whole body freezes. "W-what did you say?" Peter doesn't even bother to mask his voice. 

The guy stops mid-brush. "Uhhh, Spidey?" 

"N-no. You said-" Peter's throat closes in on itself. 

Holy shit. No one is suppose to know who he is. He's. He's been so careful especially after the whole Harry thing with his dad. No. No. He can't have this happen. Aunt May can't get hurt- 

"Woah, woah baby boy. Chill with the internal panic. If it makes you feel any better I'm Wade. Wade Wilson." 

Peter can see the sheepish grin through his mask. 

"How do you know who I am?" Peter's voice is shaking, but he's ready to attack the guy, Wilson or who ever he is. 

"Well, I'm actually known as Deadpool, you know Merc with a Mouth?" Deadpool does jazz hands. 

Peter shakes his head. 

He can see the pout again. 

He can hear the guy whispering under his breath like he's talking to himself, "Clearly not so infamous after all. Damn it. I can't believe Spidey doesn't know about us," he looks back up at Peter, "Anyway, well I was hired to kill you. It's my day job, but after stalking you for a while-" 

"Stalking!?!" 

"I just couldn't kill a little cutie like you, that just seemed immoral. Though I don't really have morals. But I couldn't kill you. You're so cute!" 

Peter honestly doesn't know what to think. This is so fucked up. It's just so wrong. 

[End Flashback] 

"Then I asked Cap about 'Deadpool' when I saw him next, he told me to stay away from the guy. So I tried, but it just didn't work out like that. Wade just kept popping up and asking for a team up and I told him to go away. It's not like he bothered me when I was Peter you know? So I didn't tell anyone about him. 

"He just kept showing up while I was on patrol, watching my back when no one else did, and we just started talking." Peter grinned at Bruce and Tony's shocked faces, "You'd be surprised how good of a listener he is. He'll just sit there and let you vent. It's what I needed most at the time. He was sweet like that. 

"And we'd just sit there and talk about anything and everything, the good stuff, the bad. It didn't matter. On Uncle Ben's anniversary, we just kind of sat there in silence for hours." 

Tony looks completely shocked now, his jaw on the floor, "He sat still and quiet for hours? He moves and talks in his sleep!" 

Peter grins again, "I told you, you'd be surprised." 

Bruce interested in the conversation now, not bothered by the whole thing (like Tony), asked, "So how did you two get together?" 

"Well remember when Doc Ock escaped and tried to kill me?" 

"Yeah, when Deadpool brought him back to SHIELD with a weird concussion that cause permanent amnesia?" Tony looks pale as it looks like he's just realized something, "When you weren't even eighteen yet? Like far from it? You two didn't have like adrenaline crash sex or something did you?" 

Peter rolls his eyes, "No, I didn't pull an 'Iron Man and Captain America'." 

Tony actually blushes, embarrassed, "How did you know about that?" 

Even Bruce rolls his eyes at this, "Tony. Everyone knows. You two aren't subtle." 

Tony mock gasps. 

"Anyway," Peter says, "What happened was-" 

[Flashback] 

Peter wakes up to the sound of metallic movement. 

The last thing he remembers is watching over the city, (ironically) thinking about the super villains in jail at the moment when his spidey sense went off. He didn't even have time to react before everything went black. 

When his eyes focus, he's startled by the look of Doc Ock in his face. 

"Spider-man." He sneers. "Or should I say Peter Parker." 

"Woah, Doc. Like back up a bit. I really don't need to wake up with you in my face. That's a thing of nightmares." Peter says moving his head back and away from him. 

Okay, moving is not good. Ow. Ow. Ow. 

Wait. What did he say? 

He finally takes in his situation. 

He's strapped onto a table in nothing but his boxers. Oh shit. What is his life that this shit is it? 

The whole setup is like a horror movie. He's got a saw a few feet above him. 

Shit. He's going to die. 

"Imagine my surprise when I lifted that mask and found little Peter Parker underneath. 

“Because of you Peter, my wife is gone. But it's okay now. I'll be taking my revenge." Doc's back is toward Peter working on some sort of computer. 

The saw comes to life above him and starts to lower itself down. 

"Come on Doc! You aren't like this! You're a scientist not a killer!" Peter tried to struggle against the metal clamps holding him down. He's not strong enough though. Shit! 

"Oh, but Peter, you made me one." He says over his shoulder. 

Peter keeps struggling against his restraints as he tries to think of a way out of this as the saw gets closer to his chest. 

He's never wished for his mask so bad that it could hide the tears of terror prickling in his eyes. 

Then out of the corner of his eye he sees movement that isn't the doc. 

Peter turns his head and sees Deadpool moving with a stealth Peter has never seen before even when he helped Peter before. No longer is he the goofy guy in a bodysuit that has more body issues than Peter did when he went through the awkward puberty years and awkward boner stage. 

He sees Deadpool lift his gun at Doc Ock, so he shouts, "Don't kill him!" 

He can see Doc tense before he says, "Kill him? I'm going to kill you. What are you-" 

As he turns around, Deadpool brings the butt of his gun down on the back of his head, and Doc Ock crumples to the ground. 

His elbow must hit the controls that operate the saw because it stops a hair's breadth away from Peter's heaving sternum. 

Peter's head collapses against the metal table he's leaning on as he tries to breath. 

"I got ya baby boy. I'll get you out of there in a second." Wade says as he hits a couple of buttons. 

The saw draws away and the metal cuffs pop off. 

Before Peter has a chance to sit up, Wade's at his side, helping him up. 

Peter wraps his arms around Wade's shoulders hugging him, not even caring if this is weird. 

He almost died. He can at least have this. 

"Oh thank God Wade." 

Wade picks Peter up where he's straddling his hips- 

[End Flashback] 

"Okay! No one wants to hear the rest of that!" Tony says, interrupting Peter's story. 

Peter rolls his eyes. "Oh don't be such a prude. All we did was kiss!" 

"That's more than I want to know!" 

"Oh so you don't want to hear about us having sex for the first time on my eighteenth birthday?" Peter asks because he's a little shit. 

Bruce and Peter both laugh at Tony's face, but clearly everyone is on board the Wade train (Wade is seriously rubbing off on him.) or at least the two people in the room are. 

He can only hope the others will feel the same way soon. 

*** 

Deadpool in on the Quinjet with the others. Widow and the Crow, or whatever he is, are at the front piloting. The Captain is sitting across from him, watching him. 

Deadpool pays him no mind, just cleaning his guns in the silence while the boxes chatter away about everything and nothing. 

Finally Barton breaks it. 

"So, Wilson. How'd you find out about the kid? He tell you?" 

"No." 

There's an awkward silence till Barton says, "You going to elaborate?" 

Wade smirks under his mask, "You want me to?" 

"I'm expecting you to." 

Wade rolls his eyes, "Who am I to disappoint?" 

-Oooo! Story time!- 

(This is my favorite! Pass the popcorn!) 

[Flashback] 

Deadpool's been called by some big businessman. He wants some new superhero dead and all he wants is the guy's body. 

Deadpool doesn't really care. It's nothing more than a paycheck, a very nice paycheck. 

Apparently the guy's name is Spider-man. 

-Spider-man? I wonder if he's got eight legs.- 

(That'd be very interesting for sex...) 

What would be interesting for sex is eight dicks. 

-(Mmmm gang bang!)- 

When he does track down this Spider-man, he isn't what he was expecting. 

The guy has got to be a midget. He's so short and little. He doesn't have eight legs though. 

-Or eight dicks.- 

(Sad face.) 

He hangs back watching the guy at work. He takes out a mugger harassing a little old lady (Who looks like Bea Arthur), stops a rapist, then he watches him take on some guy who calls himself 'The Rhino'. What a freak. 

-Says you.- 

(Yeah, you have voices in your head!) 

Okay, both of you shut up! We're working here! 

He follows after 'Spider-man' after Rhino is arrested. They end up in Queens in a nice little neighborhood. 

Maybe he has a wife? 

-Kids? What if he has spider babies that hatch from eggs?- 

(That means he gets pregnant with them. Or he could pull off that whole hentai thing where they lay eggs inside the girl. What if he has a tentacle dick!?) 

-Or multiple tentacle dicks!- 

Guys! Stop distracting me! I do not need a boner right now! 

-Oops! Too late!- 

(Giggles) 

Shaking off the boxes, Deadpool focuses on Spider-man going in through an open window. 

When he takes his mask off, Deadpool is extremely surprised. Even the boxes shut up in shock. 

The guy is a kid. Can't be older than fifteen. He's got messy, sweat soaked brown hair and the biggest Bambi eyes he's ever seen. It stops his heart when he sees that those eyes are bloodshot and there are tears on his face. He's got a split lip, and nasty bruise on his cheek that's swollen a bit. He's cradling his hand, (The one Rhino crushed) and Deadpool watches as the kid huddles over his hand as he sees him start to heal, much slower than him, but still he heals. 

[End Flashback] 

"I could hurt a baby like that. That's all he was, a baby boy." Wade puts away his gun in his holster looking up at the others who are looking at him in shock. 

Wade shrugs, "So I stalked the kid for a couple years between jobs and stuff. Then we started talking, kissing and banging. I won't mention the Pizza Incident of '14. though" 

"What happened?" Clint's leaning forward, watching. 

"I told you, I won't mention it! Anyway, so yeah. We landing yet? I really wanna kill this guy." 

Cap looks at Deadpool with a stern face, "Deadpool, we can't kill him. We have to bring him back to SHIELD alive so he can cure Peter." 

Wade, angry, growls, "And what if he doesn't cure him? Huh? Then what!? Do I get to torture him? Get the information out of him?" 

"Deadpool. Either you get a hold of yourself or you aren’t coming. Do you understand me?" 

Wade was going to say something, but he decides he'll be good. 

He nods. 

It's silent until they have to jump out of the jet. Only Deadpool and Cap go. Widow and Barton are on standby. 

They have to travel for miles through a forest before they get to this damn bunker, but as they get nearer, Wade's getting a sense of deja vu. He knows this place. He remembers it explicitly. 

Weapon X. 

Fuck. 

He's doing this for Peter. He's got this. He will do this. Though he’s got the boxes quaking in either anger or fear, respectfully. 

He leads Cap through a maze of corridors; Cap doesn't say anything, but he's suspicious. 

Deadpool points Cap forward and he disappears. 

Cap makes the first contact with the guy while Deadpool hides in the shadows. 

An older guy, mousy type turns toward the Cap. 

"Ah. If it isn't Captain America himself." They guy wheezes. 

"Dardyn, you're coming with me," Cap says with his shield at the ready. 

The guy rolls his eyes, turning back toward his black board. "I can't stop yet. I have to complete the serum. I have to kill Wilson, don't you understand? If only I can stop the healing factor, then he's dead!" 

Kill me? Why the fuck does he want to kill me? 

-Well, a lot of people hate you.- 

(This is true. But I don't remember this guy.) 

He doesn't seem important enough to remember. 

-(True)- 

"And why would you want to kill Wilson? Are you being paid?" Cap asks. 

The guy continues working on some sort of formula, "He killed my father, and he's going to come after me. If only the first one had worked, but that damn Spider-man is still swinging in the streets. I've been trying to figure out where I went wrong-" The guy cuts himself off. "Unless it did work." He whips his head toward a book sitting innocently on the edge of a table, "That's why you're here isn't it? It worked." The guy grins, all yellow teeth and crazy eyes, still staring at the notebook. "It did, didn't it? It started with his kidneys right? Then his other internal organs started to fail? It works quite quickly doesn't it?" 

Deadpool sees red. This guy is getting off on hurting Peter. 

-Kill him!- 

(Kill him! Make him pay!) 

-Spill his blood! Kill him!- 

Deadpool jumps out from the shadows, guns drawn and he starts shooting at the guy, blowing his knees apart. His lower legs separate from the rest of his body. The guy starts screaming as Deadpool placing a gun at his forehead. 

"Dead-" 

The final shot cuts off Cap. 

Dardyn's dead. Half his face missing. 

Deadpool, Wade, neither feels satisfied. 

Deadpool ignores Cap's angry yelling. He walks over grabbing the notebook and tossing it at him. "That's all we need. Let's go." 

Cap's red in the face, but complies. 

They get back on the Quinjet, Barton and Widow don't ask about the lack of villain with them. 

With a couple of well placed missiles, the place blows up, once and for all. 

*** 

Peter wakes up feeling strangely normal. It's really weird. 

He looks down at himself and sees that he no longer has a chest catheter there. He flexes his hands feeling strength there that he hasn't for months. He gets up from the bed, and stretches back, bending himself in half backward, then bending himself into a pretzel. 

"You know how hot it is that you can do that?" 

Peter looks up to see an upside down Wade frowning at him. He rights himself to see that Wade is actually grinning. 

Before he says anything else, to make sure this isn't a dream, he begins to walk up the wall, sticking for the first time in forever. He's grinning so hard it hurts. 

"I'm back!" 

Wade grins wider, "Yep baby boy." 

"You guys found the guy?" Peter asks, super excited. 

"Yep. He uh, he didn't make it though. We cured you though! All back to normal. All Spidey again. Now you can go and kick bad guy ass." Wade says really fast. 

Peter looks at him questionably, but doesn't comment on it. He just wraps his arms around Wade. "Can I get out of here?" 

Wade kisses him before pulling his hood up, "Yep. Let's go." 

The manage to get off the Helicarrier with little issue. He doesn't see any of the Avengers though, which is weird. He expected that they would all be there to congratulate him. 

When they don't go to his apartment and instead go to Stark/Avenger Tower, Peter looks at him questionably. 

"Did I not mention that the others are throwing you a surprise party for getting better?" 

"Seriously?" 

Wade grins, leading him in. "Oh, and Cap has convinced them not to kill me...or at least attempt to kill me. Katniss isn't so happy about that. Though Stark approves of our ‘relationship against nature’, his words not mine! Anyway-" 

Peter laughs. 

Yeah. This is his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think this it for this story. I'll probably write some one shots for this verse. Like The Pizza Incident of '14, Peter becoming an Avenger, and Peter's eighteenth birthday. Thanks for all the love guys! Can't wait to write some more for you!


End file.
